Trade Talk

The Food Standards Agency (FSA) recently reported on catering firms' commitments to the healthy diet initiative. Among them is one to put more 'hidden' vegetables in children's food.

We're used to hearing about hidden 'nasties' such as salt, fat, sugar and water, which the FSA would like to expose and reduce. Now, are we going to start talking about hidden 'goodies' that will not be exposed because some children who don't like vegetables might not eat these dishes if they knew the truth?

Once upon a time, food manufacturers would be taken to task for bulking out expensive ingredients with cheaper ones. If they used too many vegetables in, say, a beefburger, which under the Meat Products Regulations 2003 must contain a specified proportion of meat to bear the name, it was an offence. Now the FSA wants us to eat less fatty meat, maybe the Regulations should be recast to require named foods to contain a certain proportion of vegetables and a maximum amount of meat!

Things appear to be taking a turn for the ludicrous. There are so many hidden, exposed, unknown, elements around diet, and the government's strategy to make a healthy diet idiot proof compounds this. It might be simpler to develop a government superfood containing 'goodies' in the right proportions, with no 'baddies', that could be handed out free on the National Health Service.

Perhaps it could be delivered daily by the postman, with all the other unwanted items, and made compulsory for us to eat. Something similar to Pemmican, which - for those unfamiliar with Arctic exploration - was a cake of dried meat and melted fat with currants.

Assuming the government is right that a diet low in saturated fat and salt is ideal, think of the problems that would be solved by a diet of this new statutory food. No more coronary heart disease and certainly no more obesity, because no-one would want to eat more than a portion size at a sitting, let alone snack on it.

When you go out to dinner this miracle food could be turned into paté for starters, flavoured with spices or herbs for the main course and turned into sugar and fat-free ice-cream to finish. The after-dinner coffee and ultra-skimmed milk straight from the tap would never have been so welcome.

The food industry would be relieved of the problem of finding staff with sufficient skills because robots could be used to produce the 'monofood'. 'Mono' denoting not just single, but monotonous!

Imagine the black market that would develop in real food - to rival that of drug trafficking. And the FSA, no longer needed, could be merged with HM Revenue & Customs to control unauthorised importation of proper food.

''Clare Cheney director general Provision Trade Federation clare.cheney@provtrade.co.uk''